Sunday, March 10, 2019

Sugar Addiction

My relationship with sugar is complicated as is my relationship with Caffeine. 

I was blessed to grow up in a house with a family of women and they all cooked very well.
With those meals there was no shortage of soda and snacks. They were provided in intervals, accompanied with a packed lunch, one snack when I make it home and one after dinner. Sugar was a reward.
 Sweets were not attractive to me as a child, to many issues with my teeth and they might lead to a dental appointment. I did not turn down candy but I did not seek it out either.
Bread was my weakness, I remember  my elementary school celebrated culture by having a festival and each person would bring bread from a different part of the world. It was my favorite day.
Through out my life I grew and invested in that love of bread. In my 20's red bull was introduced to the world and with that my sugar intake increase 2 to 3 time over.
Energy drinks became a daily part of life  it was needed. And like a drug I did not functions well without them. Thinking of  Red Bull  as an addiction was a joke between me and friends.
 " Did you get your red bull " was a greeting to me.
 I was not a happy camper without it or I may be drained soon from the "come down" which was inevitable without my reup.

This is how my processed worked one large red bull to wake up and start the day. ( in my mind it was no different then a cup of Starbucks in the morning) one around lunch to provide a pick up, one in the evening to ensure I completed of my chores. 
The completion of goals was the reinforcement of this. Just like all good drugs slowly I needed more, and as if red bull could feel that need they started making bigger cans and those replaced my small cans.  The energy drinks were addicting for me specifically because they provided the energy I wanted to do my best. Another option for  energywas never presented and I never went looking. At some point early in my use of energy drinks I realized there was a come down and that mattered little to me because a quick 10 min break then another can could send me right back to work.

My weight, My Body ……..My queendom

My weight is a funny subject while I was far from toned I was small, soft,  and mushy like a pillow. Clothes fit me well and I loved how looked and felt.. In the past if my jeans got too tight I would stop eating and live on energy drinks.  I had never given food education serious thought and it was not hard for me to suppress hunger until it disappeared.I realize now that I was damaging my body and destroying my metabolism. People would say to me, you look tired.
 I hated that comment. "you look tired" …. I had two jobs and went to school…I was tired.
 Now that I'm older I better understand what was being communicated to me. It was this, your looks, body, and energy seems dramatically different  since I last seen you. Not in a good way.
Around 28 I noticed changes which I attributed to the amount of stress I had in my life at the time. In hindsight with more education and information I believed my built up habits caught up with me. I had not viewed sugar as a possible addiction, not for me. A sugar addiction was for a child, someone's  screaming 6 year old demanding chocolate cake, not a grown person consuming 40 to 120 grams of sugar in the morning.

Almost 30
  1. I got very smallI dropped 15 pounds  to about 120 pounds . People noticed and once again questioned me. 
  2. I started eating morewhich meant I needed more energy drinks because eating made me tired.   Even now I have not research why eating made me tired but it was ALWAYS that way for me. Food made me sleepy and drag.I didn’t think it was a serious issue because it was a norm. 
  3. I got big and could not simply loose the weight. This was a surprise but not a worry for me. Why should it be I was getting older and my body was changing. I wasn’t overweight and the weight seem to be going to areas of my body I was ok with.  My bottom and thighs we thick my belly wasn’t poking out and so I felt things are ok. 
  1. I continued to eat without regard for what I was eating. I felt that I had a cut a few things in portion size, once again I made up for that in energy drink intake.

This did not stop the slow and steady increase in my weight.

Hello 30 and hello Los Angeles 

I moved back home to Los Angeles. I got a higher paying job and I slowly started socializing again. This lead to going out to eat MUCH MORE. I was putting on weight quicker then I could really consider. I had never once bought a scale into  my life. That was the doctors job.  I went to the doctor and when they told me my weight of 169 I felt lost,  but not bad. I wasn’t panicked I like the way I looked. I did not draw a parallel between my weight and energy because my energy was always an issue and my weight was not.  My doctor advised me to start working out. I did, to be fair after about 4 months my consistency dropped to random visits when my body was clearly craving it. My energy was still a fight and working out was taking more and giving little for me. I never changed what I ate. I simply ate less. I never focused on cutting carbs, I actually increased them as I cut back on fatty foods and dairy products. I ended up crossing a women who lost of 150 pounds and she convinced me    that sugar was something I should look into. 

Keto Curious 

I'm sure she knew I would run across Keto. I started looking into it about 6 months ago. The 1st week I did it I lost 10 pounds….. ( water weight I'm sure)198lbs to 187lb s . But I never gained back that ten pounds. At this point I viewed keto as a weight loss fad that worked. But there was something else to it. I was not as heavy and tired. I had energy when I woke up, I was sleeping better. During this time I became aware of how much sugar I was intaking checking labels forced me to. I saw all the things I could not eat and felt trapped, I also felt like I should know more about Carbs.  I binge regularly and did not  care about my fat in take. I was skeptical about the intake of fat and felt taking away carbs was enough commitment.    I did not stay with Keto for a full two weeks again. I ended up bingeing regularly and my weight went between 180 and 189.  I'm going to try again :). Why ???? Because I feel good with no sugar. I want to lose weight…..but I don’t want it bad enough :(. It’s a strong desired but weight loss does not keep me up at night….the information I learn about sugar does. I understand sugar is a very important part of our diet and I will eat limited carbs in my diet and that limit will increase based on my needs. But the change in my energy level is very attractive.  I like have energy without sugar or coffee.  So for this year I'm going to try Keto the correct way with an increase in fats . I started the 1st of the year and weighted in at 189. 
On day one I stayed true till about 1:30 in the afternoon. Then I decided to part take in the celebration and eat all the yummy food prepared by my family.
On day two I stayed true till about 10:30 pm when I preceded to eat ALL of the yummy left over sweet treats from the holidays.
On day three I did great all day. When I got home my partner made dinner and desert ( not a keto friendly one.) But one that clearly took time and effort and I enjoyed it.
On day four I stayed within my range all day and went to sleep feeling good and full.
On day five I continued and started a conversation with my house explaining that we would eat separately. I kept my goal for the day.
Here we are at day 6 and so far so good. 

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